G.I. Joe: "Penthesilea's Breastplate": Chapter One Rated Violence:

[Fallout Three Fanboy]

G.I. Joe is the codename for America's daring, highly trained special mission force. Its purpose; defend America's freedom from COBRA, a ruthless
terrorist organization determined to rule the world.

South American Jungle, 0530 hrs... The Grecian Temple stood in plain view of the H.I.S.S. tank's CO. "That's it lads, the treasure will soon be COBRA's!".
Blue and white clad COBRA infantrymen rapidly set up a base around said temple.

Major Bludd told his command. "Firefly, set up a heavy weapons patrol; Storm
Shadow, recon the area. We can't have the Joes ambushing us." Storm Shadow loped away, very happy at his task

Ever since Storm Shadow had gunned down Snake Eyes, He had been totally effective in his missions and he was truly happy as a ninja. Snake Eyes had been medically discharged from G.I. Joe as a result.

Major Bludd turned on a PDA, instantly a satellite uplink to COBRA Island. "Have we have a communications link?" The televiper broadcast back."Sir, we recieve you loud and clear."

"We are at the temple. Penthesilea's breast plate will soon be ours." With that, a squad of Cobra infantrymen joined him and they entered the temple.
Statues and carvings of female Hoplites wielding xiphos(pronounced ZEFOESS)swords and shields filled the building.

"The legends are true, this was a final redoubt for the Greek Amazons." Major Bludd began. "Take Penthesilea's breastplate, this location has already been marked for by the Science Vipers."

Storm Shadow scouted a nearby river. If the Joes came this way, he would alert Firefly and conduct a fighting retreat. In the distance, he heard war whoops and gun fire, he saw that the violence was centered a bridge.

Storm Shadow saw an elderly man falling into the river, he had been shot by a crossbow. Incredibly, he staggered to Storm Shadow. "Old man, I will help you."

The ninja master saw the old man was dressed in 1920's-style outdoors clothing. Storm Shadow carefully helped him up. Suddenly, ."This doesn't concern you, stranger!" Several crossbow-armed barbarian surrounded Storm Shadow and his charge.

A throwing star suddenly blurred from the ninja's free hand, it struck a barbarian in the throat, he gurgled and collapsed dead. "Kill them both!" yelled a barbarian. They began to raise their crossbows.

A ballistic knife's blade whipped into a barbarian's stomach, he screamed and flopped dead. Five more blades whizzed forth from said knife, it was a repeater variant; five dead barbarians resulted.

Storm Shadow helped Arthur Summerlee towards COBRA lines...

[RobRoy]

Very interesting. I was a big fan of G.I. Joe back in the day, and I have to admit to being somewhat excited about the upcoming movie.

Caveat: You've posted this to the forums, so I'm guessing that you would like feedback on your writing. I'm an amatuer writer and a professional marketer. Reading action, science fiction, historic fiction, and fantasy has been my hobby for the past twenty-five years. My comments come from that background, and are only intended to aid your writing, not denigrate your abilities. You are welcome to take or reject any of my comments as they are based solely on personal opinion.

That said, your story is unique, and it's clear that you have a vision of what is going on, and who the characters are. However, your audience may not know exaclty what is going on and who the characters are, so you may wish to consider adding these specific details to your writing. In addition, it might help to add some other elements to your story. Where are the events taking place? What are the character's motivations? Is it important to tell us what Penthesilea's breastplace is, or is that something that is supposed to be a mystery even to the characters? Be careful of making your characters too powerful, and thus not-realistic. It's fine that Storm Shadow is a "ninja master" but five "barbarians" who literally earn their meat using their weapons are likely to be fairly skilled. Storm Shadow might have a tougher time of defeating them than just two sentences suggest.

Overall, I'm curious to see the rest of this story. Good luck!

[Fallout Three Fanboy]

Originally Posted by RobRoy

Very interesting. I was a big fan of G.I. Joe back in the day, and I have to admit to being somewhat excited about the upcoming movie.

Caveat: You've posted this to the forums, so I'm guessing that you would like feedback on your writing. I'm an amatuer writer and a professional marketer. Reading action, science fiction, historic fiction, and fantasy has been my hobby for the past twenty-five years. My comments come from that background, and are only intended to aid your writing, not denigrate your abilities. You are welcome to take or reject any of my comments as they are based solely on personal opinion.

That said, your story is unique, and it's clear that you have a vision of what is going on, and who the characters are. However, your audience may not know exaclty what is going on and who the characters are, so you may wish to consider adding these specific details to your writing. In addition, it might help to add some other elements to your story. Where are the events taking place? What are the character's motivations? Is it important to tell us what Penthesilea's breastplace is, or is that something that is supposed to be a mystery even to the characters? Be careful of making your characters too powerful, and thus not-realistic. It's fine that Storm Shadow is a "ninja master" but five "barbarians" who literally earn their meat using their weapons are likely to be fairly skilled. Storm Shadow might have a tougher time of defeating them than just two sentences suggest.

Overall, I'm curious to see the rest of this story. Good luck!

I knew a martial arts master, he died of cancer in 2006. Dink Fugate had an AR15 rifle, two revolvers, and multiple knives. He had a repeating ballistic knife,
which is banned in WV as .'illegal hunting paraphenalia'. A ballistic knife is a knife that fires a spring-powered blade, they beat a throwing star alot; Spetsnaz(Russian special forces) uses them.

I don't undersand how someone helping an injured man to safety, how on earth they do both that; and throw multiple throwing stars simultaneously? Hence the ballistic knife.

My Storm Shadow variant combines both the 1980's comic book, and the portrayal of him in the 2003 animated movie; the ballistic knife was an added touch.

I want Storm Shadow to be an honorable villain, like Erwin Rommel; not a scum bag like Adolf Hitler. I also wanted to show how Summerlee could be tricked into helping Cobra.

In the cartoon series, the tan colored-laser rifle used by the G.I. Joe was an M14A2 based design. Today, the M14 EBR(almost a dead ringer for the M142)is in Iraq with U.S. forces; many G.I.s want the EBR(more reliable and great for chopping up crudely-armored suicide vehicles).

Glad to here from a friend here, RobRoy! My nexy chapter will explain much.

[RobRoy]

Originally Posted by Fallout Three Fanboy

I knew a martial arts master, he died of cancer in 2006. Dink Fugate had an AR15 rifle, two revolvers, and multiple knives. He had a repeating ballistic knife,
which is banned in WV as .'illegal hunting paraphenalia'. A ballistic knife is a knife that fires a spring-powered blade, they beat a throwing star alot; Spetsnaz(Russian special forces) uses them.

Actually, they're banned throughout the U.S., as far as I know.

I've seen them before, but I've never heard of a repeating ballistic knife. How did such a thing even work? Other than the "neat-o" factor, why would that be preferable to, say, a sidearm?

I don't undersand how someone helping an injured man to safety, how on earth they do both that; and throw multiple throwing stars simultaneously? Hence the ballistic knife.

Question: why wouldn't he put Summerlee down and then deal with the bad guys? I'm not certain it's clear that he is doing both of these things.

I want Storm Shadow to be an honorable villain, like Erwin Rommel; not a scum bag like Adolf Hitler. I also wanted to show how Summerlee could be tricked into helping Cobra.

Forgive my ignorance on this, but is Summerlee a known character from G.I. Joe, or is he a crossover from "The Lost World" series?

Glad to here from a friend here, RobRoy! My nexy chapter will explain much.

Any time.

[Fallout Three Fanboy]

Originally Posted by RobRoy

Actually, they're banned throughout the U.S., as far as I know.


I've seen them before, but I've never heard of a repeating ballistic knife. How did such a thing even work? Other than the "neat-o" factor, why would that be preferable to, say, a sidearm? Some semiautomatic pistols are prone to.' limp
wristing'. jams if you don't hold them tightly enough.



Question: why wouldn't he put Summerlee down and then deal with the bad guys? I'm not certain it's clear that he is doing both of these things. Storm Shadow sees saving Summerlee's as more honorable than battling the the barbarians.



Forgive my ignorance on this, but is Summerlee a known character from G.I. Joe, or is he a crossover from "The Lost World" series? Summerlee from the Lost World.




Any time.

Glad for the interaction!

[badlands]

I love joes. Thanks for this.