Posted: May 08, 1999 at 13:56:24: by Neithan
: Legolas has a 'magic' bow that rapid-fires lasers.
: 'Gandalf's Theme' involves the London Symphony Orchestra backing up Metallica
: Digitally inserting a cameo appearance by Professor Tolkien at the While Council
: Jim Carrey as Legolas
: Product Placement. (The inn at Bree serves Budweiser!)
: Sexual references to the size of Gandalf's 'staff'
: Gandalf steps up to the Balrog and says "Yur goin' down M**F**!"
: Samuel L Jackson as Gandalf (on a Gandalf kick here, bear with me)
: Frodo admonishes Gandalf for smoking in his hobbit-hole because, "It's a fil-thy habit!"
: The three trolls from the Hobbit appear as comic relief after Frodo gets stabbed by the Nazgul. ("And den one of dem said,'Yur da burgler. Burgle someting!'")
: Michael J Fox as Legolas
: Making the Noldor 'cute elves' instead of tall, beautiful, and terrible.
: Keanu Reeves allowed anywhere within 500 miles of the movie sets.
: Nobody uses swords or blades to draw blood, just to defend themselves ala Xena/Hercules.
: Strider uses kung fu
: Frodo uses kung fu
: The Nazgul use kung fu
: Naked hobbits:
: : Being the helpful, wise folk we are at the White Council, let us help Mr. Jackson with the films he is making. Here is a tounge-in-cheek list. Please Wise Council Members, assist me in making this list more complete! :^) : : -Steve S. : : Mistakes we hope Peter Jackson will avoid in filming Lord of the Rings : : Confuse plot with Lord of the Flies.
: : Gender benders - Gandalf or Sam is female.
: : Gratuitous chase scenes inserted.
: : Exploding helicopters.
: : Galadriel looks like she came out of a Boris Vallejo painting.
: : Keanu Reeves as Strider.
: : Muppets used for Orcs.
: : Frank Oz does Gollum's voice.
: : Give Frodo fairy wings to escape the exploding volcano.
: : Use the approach for the first Star Trek movie - long hours of slow special effects wrapped around a minimal plot.
: : Casting the southern sheriff from the Bond movies as the Captain of the Nazgul.
: : Pamella Lee as anyone.
: : The Knights who say "Ni" as Ents.
: : Saruman of Many Colors wearing Tie-dye.
: : Gimli armed with chain saw.
: : Elves with very pointy shoes and/or halos.
: : Sound track by Ice T, Zamphir, Wayne Newton, or ABBA.
: : Sauron is Frodo's evil twin & the climax is their fight.
: : Gollum is undercover spy for Valar.
: : Merry & Pippin gay.
: : Sauron is CEO of evil, polluting multinational corporation.
: : Hobbits wear Nike.
: : Smoking pipes replaced with chewing gum for health reasons.
For the fighting in Xena/Hercules I suggest you take a second to check my comment "worst ever"- the only one I have ever posted on the Xena message board. I must admit that I find it slightly- hmmm... strange is probably the word... to have a Xena and a Tolkien discussion group within electronic "miles" of eachother.
:( Neithan, real name Palle and a viking reenactment fighter, ie. I fight with a sword and, either a shield, or an axe in the left hand- real weapons not live-roleplay ones, though blunt.
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