: Being the helpful, wise folk we are at the White Council, let us help Mr. Jackson with the films he is making. Here is a tounge-in-cheek list. Please Wise Council Members, assist me in making this list more complete! :^)

: -Steve S.

: Mistakes we hope Peter Jackson will avoid in filming Lord of the Rings

: Confuse plot with Lord of the Flies.
: Gender benders - Gandalf or Sam is female.
: Gratuitous chase scenes inserted.
: Exploding helicopters.
: Galadriel looks like she came out of a Boris Vallejo painting.
: Keanu Reeves as Strider.
: Muppets used for Orcs.
: Frank Oz does Gollum's voice.
: Give Frodo fairy wings to escape the exploding volcano.
: Use the approach for the first Star Trek movie - long hours of slow special effects wrapped around a minimal plot.
: Casting the southern sheriff from the Bond movies as the Captain of the Nazgul.
: Pamella Lee as anyone.
: The Knights who say "Ni" as Ents.
: Saruman of Many Colors wearing Tie-dye.
: Gimli armed with chain saw.
: Elves with very pointy shoes and/or halos.
: Sound track by Ice T, Zamphir, Wayne Newton, or ABBA.
: Sauron is Frodo's evil twin & the climax is their fight.
: Gollum is undercover spy for Valar.
: Merry & Pippin gay.
: Sauron is CEO of evil, polluting multinational corporation.
: Hobbits wear Nike.
: Smoking pipes replaced with chewing gum for health reasons.

As long as we're talking about music, let's hope that these songs are never used:

Celine Dion singing the theme from Titanic as Sam leaves Frodo thinking he's dead.

The theme from Rocky as Gandalf and the Balrog meet on the bridge.

Queen singing "Another One Bites the Dust" as Sam kills the Nazgul.

Elton John singing "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" as Frodo and Galadriel are alone.

Bee Gees singing "Staying Alive" as Gandalf reappears as Gandalf the White.

And the ultimate nightmare, Randy Newman singing "Short People" during Bilbo's farewell party.